Living in “the” Moment

This is sort of a Romance, sort of not

Tori Caduta wanted to live in the moment.

She was finding it quite a difficult thing to do, at least difficult to do for any length of time.

She tried all the tricks, meditation, staring at flowers, listening for birds, Beach Frisbeeadmiring colors, sitting at a playground and watching – children, sunsets, men.

Watching a man was probably her best way to stay in the moment, at least for a moment. Then she found herself stepping into another moment, a moment where she would walk up to the man and say something she imagined would be quite irresistible such as, “Would you step into my moment” or “You have a moment, don’t you?” or “You have a wine stain on your shirt.”

The trouble with that, of course, was that it required slipping out of the moment. And what good was finding a moment only to have that moment lead to the end of the very moment she was trying so desperately to live within.

Tori tried driving an hour just to sit on the beach so she could watch the waves roll in and out and out and in. That started really well. The waves helped her empty her mind until two well tanned young men playing Frisbee moved between her and the ocean. Then the Frisbee landed at her feet. She knew what they were doing. She refused their request to play because, after all, she was there to try to live in the moment, not to play Frisbee or anything else they might have wanted to play.

Nothing seemed to work. Sometimes she felt like she was living in the moment, but that never lasted very long, rarely more than 10 or 15 seconds before she realized she was thinking about something else. There was the job, and the bills and the TV shows she watched last night, and the TV shows she was going to watch tonight, and what she was having for dinner, and should she buy some Ben and Jerry’s or just go with a large container of ice cream.

Of course, the Ben and Jerry’s was always so good but so expensive, but a large container left her feeling like she should have another bowl full if she wanted to continue trying to enjoy it in the moment. Worst of all was when she left the moment she was trying to be in to have a discussion in her head about how good the moment was and how to make it better. Usually, the whole thing was fruitless because she couldn’t get into any of the moments she wanted to be in.

The kind of moment Tori really wanted to get into was one where Tom Cruise was sitting looking at the flowers with her or with Johnny Depp watching the stars and pointing out the Milky Way, or even one where she was watching the sunset over a dinner with Robin Williams and laughing so hard she didn’t dare drink anything. She probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with him, but he would be paying for the dinner and that would be an incredible moment.

If only those two guys playing Frisbee had been Jake Gyllenhall or Ryan Gosling. That would have been a pretty good moment because it would have meant she was probably sitting in the middle of a movie scene and maybe they would be doing their acting stuff around her, maybe even with her. Yes, with her would be very good.

It would even be better than the only real moment she ever had before, when Jonah Hill bumped into her at the airport and said, “Excuse me.” Maybe it wasn’t much of a moment at the time. Hardly anybody knew him, but that was the kind of moment she wanted to live in again for a very long time.

A Pole in the WayAbsorbed in thought, while remembering that moment and the look on Jonah’s face, Tori suddenly walked nose first into a light pole. She saw stars. She checked her nose to make sure it wasn’t broken. It wasn’t. As she continued down the street, she could hardly see. There were people and things in her way, but who or what they were she couldn’t tell. She knew there was probably a lot of blood, but it didn’t matter, because for the moment, her nose really hurt.

Someone stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “Here,” he said, holding a piece of cloth gently under her nose. We have to get you to a hospital. If Tori hadn’t been in so much pain, she might have noticed the beginning of the moment she was looking for.

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